5 Questions by Scott O'Malley

Figuratively speaking, kinda.

Disclaimer: Men’s mags are in love with the numeric title. Don’t take my word for it, next time you’re browsing the magazine shelf at Borders (trying to pick-up an Ashley Banfield look-a-like), count the number of “Top 10s”, “12 Ways”, and “25 young stars” you see on the covers. A random perusing of Askmen.com reveals a whopping eight articles with numeric titles within their “features.” (Grant it, I like Askmen.com- I feel a special empathy for webzines' battle against the deadtree establishment.) From an editor’s perspective, loading your rag with lists is a financially savvy move. They’re fairly easy to write, and they push product- a little backend buckraming never hurt nobody not living in Texas.

However from a reader’s perspective, they’re useless. Think about it, if one person, product, or idea can’t sustain an article, then adding twenty-four more products or people won’t make it so. Like, if you’re craving a juicy steak, some punk selling ice cream doesn’t help their cause by piling on more scoops. Plus, the relevant lists are so ridiculously abstract in scope, they don’t say anything. For example, look at “8 Foods to Enjoy With Sex,” from Askmen.com. It begins with fruit and ends with alcohol. Just fruit and alcohol. Are eight specific tropical drinks too much to ask? Or how about eight fruits, including the rare Laotian papaya seed, that when mixed with ginger and sprinkled on her pinky toe causes more waves than a Trent Lott press conference.

Lengthy rant aside, regarding the title, “5 Questions,” I’m citing five specific questions you can take to your first (or tenth) job interview. They’re specific and, I hope, easy to remember. Use them, forget them- at least there’s some sack here to be used and/or forgotten. Write them down on the notepad you take along with a crisp manila folder (protecting resume copies and references.) I recommend the yellow legal pads, as they go well with your shirt, tie, slacks, and shoes. Speaking of attire, I once read an article which found the issue debatable. Let’s put it this way, if you find yourself uncomfortable in a work environment because you (gasp!) had the class to wear a tie amongst the Thrift Store speed freaks- don’t fret, they won’t be in business by the end of the year, so you won’t be taking that gig.

Back to the questions:

Question #1
“Where have others in this position advanced to?” This is rock solid for three reasons. First, it bleeds ambition without having to say, “Oh yeah like, I’m really ambitious.” Second, it sniffs around how the company functions. Do they promote from within? Do they like the idea of promoting from within but really bring in friends from executives’ social circles? Or is it a new position? (Be wary of the new position, another essay, another time.) Third, it gives you better insight into what’s expected of you. Take Hollywood for example, some producers want assistants who will book plane tickets, make coffee, organize their sock drawer and go home. While others want a young, fresh roll of Playdough to harass and torment, groom and spoil, creating enough bizarre stories to fill a book (see link below.) In the end, though, this question is really a passive-aggressive way of asking, “When can I sit in your chair?”

Question #2
“What does the company’s future look like regarding (fill in the blank?)” We’re in the post-Internet bust era with a sluggish economy. Inquiring on the financial healthiness of the company is fair, and shouldn’t be met with much surprise. You can fill in the blank above with phrases like clients, contracts, customers, funding, etc. Hopefully, if the company is hiring they’re planning on actually growing. But more importantly, this question is what some in the sportsworld may call a softball, a hanging curve, an open net, a wabblin’ duck, it’s a frosted chocolate cupcake with those tiny, round sprinkles type of question. In other words, it’s a free

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